Supposed to be going to a wedding this weekend. Yay. Lots of people getting drunk. Yay. There needs to be a special type of text to convey sarcasm. Honestly I don't really want to go, but I don't want to let my friend down, I've known about it for almost a year. But I liked a party back then... I don't think she'll be too bothered if I miss most of the reception, hopefully, but it still feels like letting her down. Like I should just get on with it, get over it or something. But she's gonna have so many people there anyway, I'm sure she'll understand, it's not like she doesn't know.

Today wasn't easy.
Almost had a bust-up with my parents, but I've learned to walk away, no point getting pissed off and wound up, not for me. They just don't take things seriously sometimes and I don't get why. There's a guy who runs their local off-license/newsagent, and I'm sure he's some kind of would-be paedo. He was very creepy with me when I was younger but because he was creepy I stopped going there altogether, and so nothing absolutely concrete ever happened that anyone who could do anything would take seriously. My parents know I hate the guy, and the one thing I always asked of them was to never take a child of mine in there. Not that I think they'd stand there and let anything happen, but I don't want the guy even getting the satisfaction of even looking at my kids, but today they took my daughter in there to buys sweets, and the guy gave her a lollypop. I'm so mad about it, and they just played it off as me being silly, just like they did when I told them about him when I was younger.

It's occurred to me recently that there are a lot of things I glossed over or chose to forget from my childhood.

My brother is such an ass sometimes. I don't understand how we're related sometimes, but my parents were harder on me than him. And I kind of get it now, having noticed myself doing the same things. You're so protective over first borns, but by the time you loosen up about things it's a bit late to go back and be as strict with a second child, so they seem to get an easier ride, and turn out differently as a result. My brother takes advantage of their generosity/I feel bad asking them to babysit once in a blue moon, my brother is often greedy and thoughtless/I'm not, my brother thinks it's okay to have no ambition, to not want something better, will probably still be living at home when he's thirty/I got a summer job when I was sixteen and never looked back, moved out when I was seventeen.

He has things easier than me, and yes, I am envious of that sometimes, but what pisses me off is that he takes it for granted. I'm not sure what I'm going to get my dad for his birthday next week, but chances are my brother hasn't even remembered it yet.

Told my doctor I wanted to try giving up smoking...he suggested I only give up one vice at a time. He's a smart cookie.